What NOT to say to a Parent of a Premature Baby

These are statements I've been told and I know other parents of premature babies have been told the same, which blows my mind! Knowing what I know now about what being a premature baby actually means. 

No, I didn't get sleep. I didn't go into a deep sleep of fear of getting the dreaded phone call to come straight back to the hospital to say my goodbyes.

I absolutely had to wake for feeding, three months before I was meant to. Instead of feeding my newborn baby I was pumping every three hours every day. Then transporting my milk to the hospital so I could build up my breastmilk reserves for when he could be fed through a tube. 

Nurses give me extra help...in keeping my baby alive! This is not extra help in feeding, changing and putting babies to sleep. It is changing my babies CPAP mask. It is monitoring the humidicrib temperature as my baby can't regulate his own temperature. It is testing my babies blood to see if he needs a blood transfusion. It is monitoring my babies oxygen, as with too much oxygen he could go blind and with not enough, he can't breathe properly. It is all the things that come along with completely keeping a little baby alive. 

Studies have shown that parents of a premature baby are at risk of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Which is quite telling to the traumatic experiences they go through in the NICU. 

I personally have flash backs of moments which make me truly grateful that my son survived, as not all premature babies do. 

Moments of remembering the loud ringing alarms, flashing lights, nurses and doctors running from all directions, a white curtain being brought in to surround their little body as they are being revived. Unfortunately this is then sometimes followed by the cries of mum, dad and their family. The wailing of a grandmother still haunts me to this day. 

I write this to honestly express to those who try and make light of a premature birth, that it doesn't land well and that the risk of losing a baby is paramount in that parent's mind.

If your family member or friend has been thrusted into this world. I say to you, be caring with your words as these babies aren't just "born early and will catch up" (another comment I remember being told). They are fighting for their lives. 

Side note: Shout out to all the NICU nurses out there, you are AMAZING humans!